Aden likes Uncle Shaikhum more than Ami Massi

Apple

Thank You

Dear Pruthvi,

Yesterday you asked me if it was if it is bad to be worried about your friends so much?

Well prune, there isn't a day that goes by when i am not worrying about you. Honestly i have no doubt in my mind if you where the older one, i would have followed you like a goose with broken wings. Separating from you has probably been one of the hardest emotional things Ive had to cope with. I was so shocked when i heard you where leaving that i didnt even have the words to convey to you how much i was hurt. Its stressful not being able to drive over to see you, or share good times with you on my birthdays. Its harder not being able to cry to you or come to you for a hug. Days that are suppose to be spent with a friend go by lonely, on these days all I can think about is your laughing face. Ive always thought of you as my "first love". People don't realize it unless its genuine, but you love a bestfriend almost the same as loving a man or woman. I've studied your facial expressions, and gestures and tone. Every contour of your face embedded in my mind, that when something really funny happens I can close my eyes and imagine you with me. I feel like we have had some of our strongest moments when we have shared silence. Weather it was a fun time, or a sad time, silence has untited us in moments that will out last a life time of words. Sometimes its hard for me to find words that would comfort you, but even so when your heart aches mine does too. I always wonder what you are going through, how your day has been, what you are thinking, if you really like studing (lol). Friendship is even like having kids. We watch each other grow and want the best for each other. We get upset with each other if we fail, or make mistakes, but then we leave each other breathless in awe when we have excelled and succeed. My feelings for you are self-less, I have always wanted better for you then i have wanted for myself. I think i know why that is though, its because secretly we see eachother as super heros. Inside I really admire and look up to you. The hardest part for me was letting go, being okay with the individuals that we became. Cutting the leash and letting life's experiences ingulp us into the world that we wanted to protect each other from. God gave us something really special, and i would be damned if i ever threw that away. Thank you for letting me be your best friend.

by the way prune be head strong, the fiesty little palm tiger i know you to be, dont let people take advantage of you, beware of wearing your vulnrabilities on your sleve, mask them the best you know how. Your family and friends over here all love you, and are here if you are lonely. Focus on yourself, Ill be waiting, come back to me a strong independent woman.

First and for most

Today's song - Sara Bareilles-GRAVITY (2003) album: Careful Confessions

Recent Artists that beat to the rhythm of my heart (harmony):

Missy Higgins
Yael Naim
Ingrid Michaelson
A Fine Frenzy
Norah Jones
Etta James
Kate Nash
Meiko
Adele
FrouFrou
Duffy
Corinne Bailey Rae
Lily Allen
John Mayer
Lauryn Hill
Feist
Jason Mraz
Amy Winehouse

Working with all males and being the only female has turned out to be almost the same exact as working with all females but instead of talking about things like shopping, and classes, I'm stuck listening to conversations about military, and guns. I don't mind at all actually i would rather learn a thing or two about things i really don't have a clue about. I mean i have gone shooting before, and i like it, but i cant say that i know much about guns. Actually it kinda took me off guard that just about all of my group members own a gun. I would have to say though, men and women are the exact same when it comes to bad mouthing on another. I have tried to stay neutral with the things i say about people. Honestly i see both sides of the story most of the time. For instance there is this one guy in our group that pretty aloof and immediately he comes off as if he doesn't care to most, but for some reason i can relate myself to him a lot more than the other people. An example, Guy A said I am going to love my job, it will never feel like something i don't want to do (or something like that, and to me I'm just like ahhhh someone that feels like me) when Guy B says A job will always just end up a job, its fun in the beginning and then it sucks. Realistically i guess but when you have so many choices in life why would you ever settle for something you don't enjoy doing. I think its hilarious how these "grown" men talk about each other. I haven't said anything that i didn't feel. At one point i felt really annoyed because i felt like i was being told what to do. I didn't appreciate being called on a Saturday night to do something right away. I didn't even appreciate feeling like i was being cornered. But through it all I never really said anything BAD about someone. I mean some of these MEN have ruthless things to say about each other, calling someone an idiot, is a very disrespectful thing to do. I honestly cant say that any of my group members are idiots, everyone has different views and i think each person has a story. I wouldn't bash someone because they are a dreamer, i am a dreamer too and i wouldn't bow down to anyone who has settled for a mundane life.

I always thought of myself as a pretty well rounded person. I mean for the most part, Ive been there and done that, except for drugs. I always feel like i am being cocky when i am giving advice to people. I don't know why but i feel really uncomfortable giving people advise even though i know that they would maybe appreciate it. I guess it saddens me to see people hurt, but then again its a cycle, after the hurt you come out the person that your meant to be, and that's how life works. Its beneficial to suffer emotionally to learn and mold into a better person, no advise can have the same affect then cause and effect of living life. It is what it is right?

mentally stimulated

I really wish photography was a part of my life much earlier than it had been. You know something really sad?? Looking through my MILLIONS of pictures, i feel like i don't have enough!! isn't that crazy!!! I mean i have only a little bit of good memories, where are all the others, i really need to start taking pictures everyday, no matter what, just take one. I am going to try better from now on.

By the way I need a place to write down all the mangas im reading before i forget so:
Dengki Daisy
Kimi ni todoke (manga and anime) (-^-) sooooo cute
Kyou, Koi wo Hajimemasu
Antique romance
Bokura ga ita
Nana
Strobe edge

And i think thats it for right now that i am reading

This week

This week has actually been a really good week. Ive been pretty happy and on top of things, i thought i was about to take a turn to the worst in the beginning but i ended up finishing up really strong. Need less to say, its only Wednesday but i haven't failed to attend any of my classes thus far, and i am actually really organized with my notes, and caught up with my homework.

Life recently has been only about studying, i am glad that i had a mini vacation to O.C.

I got a parking ticket last week that i still need to pay off. Zain continues to finish his applications and paper work, poor boy is working hard, but his hard work is making me more focused too.

Lets see, i cant say i really miss anyone these days, I've been rather selfish these past few days. and i cant seem to take my mind off of right here and right now. My friends annoy me to a point that i don't even know if i have "friends" I have a friend, and right now that's really good enough.

Things that are time consuming are usually not worth the time that you invest in them, the people closest to me have taught me that disappointment is always under the door mat even if you think it says "welcome home"

I'm really content, happy almost, breathing easy... easy like my fingers hitting the keys on this keyboard... life is easy, as easy as you make it. I would hate to say it, but my father is right the importance of family almost does out weigh school. My father and his out of this world philosophies are proving to be coming true in my vision, i should beware.

I miss my nephew, even though there isn't much to miss yet because he seems to be in a cycle of eating pooping and sleeping, i hate that i am missing moments that count. I hope that we get along, and he loves me like i love him. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all speak to each other honestly and openly, it would clear up so many misunderstandings. I've been aiming to do just that. Open mind, open mouth... I dont want people to misunderstand me anymore, so i am just going to speak my mind, say things as they are.

I am really too nice of a person, and I really dont know when i became that way. Perhaps its my unconcious desire to be accepted by everyone. I really dont think i do it intentionally. I feel like if there where more nice self-less people then life would be so much less stressful. I mean there have been so many times when i needed help and no one was willing to reach out. I know how that feels, so why would i want someone else to feel like that. I dont know, i know when people email me, hey i missed class, i reply back lol. I hope that they appreciate it.

Anyways, Mauhz!

Ps> there are two types of people in the world, those that are easily understood, and those that can never be understood because people are to closed minded to acknowledge that they are different then the majority. I wonder what makes society craze uniformity. Or is it the opposite but somewhere along the way we stop being true to ourselves? I really really wonder. How do elder people feel unrelatable to younger people? Wherent they at one time young too? I really dont get it. I really really dont. I thought we where all so similar, but we arent at all.

Presento

OMG, im so nervous!! :)

About to go present my thingy, hopefully i get lucky and i wont have to present till thursday :)

its morning

It is the morning, and i keep telling myself "I need to get a hold on my life." Seriously, i have no sense of direction or planning or anything. I keep falling into these loop holes, and its driving me insane. I dont really know what to do to stop being an emotional wreck and having these rollercoaster days but its really wearing me out. Sometimes i feel like having friends would solve my problem but i dont even think thats the case because adding more people into your life just makes more room for dissapointment. I feel really distant lately, i feel scared or something but im kind of unsure what i am affraid of. I really need to go pick up my bday presents so i can start structuring my days with the planner that poots got for me, damn you... who goes to the mundir early... (-_-) and even so, i was deff making the effort, i feel sad that you didnt meet me half way oh well. I plan to go see my sister on sunday for a day trip with zain. It will be Zains first time meeting baby aden, expect pictures lol. I really need to start developing these pictures and things, i can sense my computer taking its last breath any day now. If i lost all my work i think they would have to put me into a mental ward... its someting that i could never ever get over. i guess i should get packed up now and get ready to husstle at school. Be back at 11, i have lots of work to do today.

Oh did i tell you, im about to destroy my house, not literally but CLEAN OUT EVERYTHING throw out everything unnessesary and get a desk and dresser. Yeah thats my plan, actually i might steal the little table and chair that is sitting at my parents house right now, since they are never going to use it and its sitting in my old room collecting dust. I also plan to move a lot of my stuff back to my parents house, im just going to box eveything up nicely and put it away in the attic. I really need to de-cutter the place and its the only way i can have my piece of mind in that place. I plan on getting internet there too come next month, to do well this semester i aim to take drastic measures so i can be more serious about life like my partner in crime is. :) i hope that i can make you proud of me too like i am of you (jelous) haha jk, well my computer is weezing and running out of juice, 2 min till 8:30 i gotta head out to class, PEACE!
mauhz!

O.C. part2

IM IN THE O.C. MD today :) part1

Hey do you remember when it snowed??

i do...

things i should have uploaded but i was too lazy to

another good day to smile

I woke up this morning in a pleasant mood, as I laid on my stomach looking at the time on my phone, I though zain was shaking but as I laid there super still I realized that it was my own heart beating out of my chest, I smiled. I feel alive...
norah jones - come away with me

Lemon-Lime

I wonder what the moon is smiling about tonight
I am smiling because i am crazy crazy crazy
crazy for you!

Happy Bday to Moi

So far ive been having a pretty good day. i cant say that i didnt cry today because i did haha. Actually reading the card that my mom sent me this morning made me really miss my parents and that made me a little emotional i wont lie. I started my bday off right though by talking to my mom before anyone else, and then talking to my other mom Michelle auny lol. I didnt have a huge bday wish turn out on fb or text message like i usually do, but thats okay, the people that count deff sent me lots of wishes and love. I have a really long day at school today and that kinda sucks but i think either way im happy with the way the day has turned out. Honestly i couldnt ask for a better bday, other than seeing my mom and dad today haha. Its okay though i plan to see my mom on friday anyways.

Today in my Communications class we are suppose to give a "presentation" and she is going to tape us. Odd, i don't think i feel nervous, and i probably would nail it if i had some drinks in me haha. Just kidding but really.

My eyeballs where freaking out this morning, and they where allergic to the sun this morning. I was tearing up a storm. I also had my first test of the semester this morning. Im confident i pulled a pretty decent grade. I cant say one way or another yet since i dont wanna jinx myself but yeah yeah :)

I'm really happy with all of the gifts i got this bday, zain is really starting to spoil me haha, and i couldn't ask for anything sweeter. I think he really is the love of my life... he takes such good care of me. I would be retarded not to love him for a lifetime and even more, hes like poison i tell you... He doesn't do much, but some of the smallest gestures that he makes are enough to last me a life time of smiles.

Ive come to realize that underneath it all i really am just a simple person. Although emotionally i go through so many ups and downs, at the end of the day i dont really have that many insecurities except those that my parents have made me feel. Insecurities like, not being ever excepted by them, or not ever doing anything good enough in life. I feel like sometimes they hold me back from the life that i know tht i can make for myself if i just had the support from them. Seriously though, other then that i really don't have insecurities in my relationship, like i don't care if Zain goes out and has a good time or what not. Im not scared that another girl would replace me or that he might find someone better because in my mind i think we are perfect. In a way i know we have many differences, but all the forces around me will always lead me to one answer and that answer will always be zain, and ill slowly learn and prove to all my doubts that zain is the one. Im happy

My OC teacher told me that people have facebook to stay in contact with the people that we dont wish to keep in personal contact with, and i totally disagree. I mean i dont know i dont usually add strangers to my facebook, nor do i reach out to them, i mean eventually if they are just sitting there ill go through and delete people that i never talk to. I only talk to a handful of CLOSE people on facebook and i use it to check up on the people i love so... i think i disagree but maybe thats because i am just that simple.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!!!

haha, its not my bday yet, but hey whatever, im already spoiled :)

I got a card from mom, and that made me really happy. Zain completely spoiled me too haha, i got Katamari one and two, and mini ninjas, and i got new gym pants, and a watch and some house shoes hehe :)

an angel was watching over me today too, i found $20 in the snow.

snow snow snow

No school today :) its snowing again... (-_-)

Seriously, I'm glad that i don't have to drive 35 min down to VCU to sit in a 50 min class, but then again, i hate the fact that its impossible to drive my car in the snow. Rear wheel drive is seriously not made for inclement weather, now if you wanna take off at a red light and feed everyone else a lot of dust then yep my cars AWESOME. Even though we dont have school today i am really hopping that the weather clears up by tonight so that i can meet up with the folks for my group project. I kind of feel like im being treated unfairly, like im being bossed around, but maybe thats because i am the youngest and the only female. I always found it easy to relate to guys and less comfortable working with females, so maybe thats why im taken back by the way i think i am being treated. Oh well, zain said that i should just say how i feel when i meet up with them, and then i guess i could just shut up and write whatever they want me to write... since all the work was technically landed in my hands. I think its pretty halarious that the two people that he (our group executive - NOT LEADER OR BOSS) has chosen to be his message distributers havent even touched the google doc that i have posted, nor have the replyed to any emails. One says that his internet is down, and i guess i wanted to call him out and say that there is a lab at school and internet 24-7 available, but hell whatever. And the other says that he hasnt gotten any of the emails, which i kinda feel like is bullshit too. It seems to me that all the darker skinned people in our group have no say so at all in the direction that our group is going but hell, that is about to change tonight when i see them. I really dont like being told what to do and then not asked my opinion.

OHHHH YEAHHHH, did i tell you guys that Zain got me Katamari on PS2 the original for my bday. HAHA i have been rolling katamaris all day jk. No but really i love making katamari and getting big enough to roll up people. Who wouldnt wanna make a star out of a whole bunch of junk laying around?

I really hope that the weather holds up for pootska on the weekend so that she can have a safe trip home, and she doesnt miss any classes. I am suppose to see her on friday, i hope that is possible. Seeing the snow blowing all over the place it seems pretty distant.

I only feel like a female when i feel like i am discriminated against...

I am not to sure if its just me, but i feel like out group project has become a sort of dictatorship, and i am kinda offended because i wasn't asked for my opinion. That's all i am going to say about that though.

Todays been an okay day, i didn't do too too much, but i did go to the gym, and something is seriously wrong with my legs... I also went to my classes, i have a test on my bday. GRAND

I went to walmart and the lady bagging my stuff was a real idiot.

OMG they have this really weird show on VH1 with guys who are drag queens... its really really entertaining... I really have no life haha... i was so anti TV, and now that Zain got this big ass tv, i can just sit here watch tv and get my work done at the same time. I hope that i have a productive day tomorrow. I got a lot of good food, and now that i think about it, i totally forgot to buy some eggs.

"Next life time"... What does that even mean?

What does that even mean?? In the next life time...

Maybe its just me, but umm i don't plan on coming back. I have so much time in this lifetime to live a fulfilled life so why wouldn't i just do what i want to do now? hmm anyways, maybe im just selfish and self centered but theres no way ima figure myself out by putting ristrictions on my life.

I really really hope that i can get this group project out of the way and done before we meet tomorrow. Tomorrow is probably the only day that i can do anything for my bday... hmm damn you feburary 2010.

nc :)

weekend in nc

Lyrics that sum up 75% of how i feel in life

Im stealing this from mina-lo this morning, because i googled the lyrics and its so applicable...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah
Augustana- Boston

stood up

This weekend is something i am looking forward to. Yesterday i got to see prooottttsssskkkaaaa!! :)

I guess since all else failed, lol just kidding, im going to NC to see my sister. Honestly i cant really sit here and decode peoples riddles so, im just gonna do what i wanna do. I am so pumped to see baby aden and spend more time with prune and mom and dee and george. I kinda dont believe that the weather is going to be nearly as bad as people say, but i guess only the skys know. The weathers been pretty bad, and the parking here at VCU still is impossible. Youd think that they would have cleaned that up by now. I had a pretty decent day today, getting my self together and deciding what i need to do with the immediate future. I really just want to keep things simple, so i am just going to do everything on my own with out the help of others. I cant really complain about anything because ive only gotten what i have put in so i think i can settle to say we are even. I was looking at the p90x nutrition plan today, since i started eating meat again, i can definitely do it, if i just pre cook on sunday nights and have everything ready to go for the week. So i think my plan is to implement a good diet to what i am already doing and i am bound for success. I love how i have to remind my self daily of the things that id like to accomplish. Oh well i would rather just hop on a plane to somewhere secluded and forget EVERYTHING but i mean i guess i have to be realistic.

I think that ive found a new good friend. And she lives here in Richmond, soo that is kinda exciting for me. Abby talked to me on FB again today, and i like that she is keeping in touch. I think that me and her have a lot in common so its really easy for us to just click. I really hope her complications with Steve don't make mine and her relationship complicated as well. I really just wanna be friends.

I have to do a group thing again today for my 5:30 class, joy... I really still dont understand what we are doing for it, but then again i really dont know what we are going to be tested on in that class either. As far as im concerned im sure im not the only person completely clueless.

Okay so i guess im over and out :)

im probably an emotional train wreck today, ive been nervous over nothing all day. I cant seem to figure out what my problem is, but i really need to get it together i think. I had Classes today, oh yeah, it snowed all weekend, hence my MIA-ness. Me and Zain finished playing God of War I and II. I guess now we have nothing to day haha, I really want Katamari, and mini ninjas lol. They totally kick butt and i want em. My bday is coming up... and i dont really know what i want to do, let alone, im not even sure if i want to see anyone. I think i am going hermit again i dont know, i want to escape my situation but i dont even know what my situation is.
Today in class, I guess we had to come up with this orginization, fundraiser volunteeing thing, we came up with collecting cans, and mind you i think it was a half assed choice. Whatever though, i honestly wanted to be that one person when they asked is anyone against it to be like YAY! haha they would have totally hated me for that right!? I almost ended up in a group with all females, and i guess i wanted to make it through the semester with out wanting to shoot myself to i opted out really quickly of the marketing group... I might be good at making art, but i would say im well rounded enough to challenge my self just a little bit. I miss home, and i dont wanna regret not seeing my dad before he goes to india so i am making a day trip home.

I also drew a picture today, and im pretty impressed even though it looks gay haha. I honestly want to get really good at everything that i am already kinda good at, so i am gonna make a revalation. I totally missed my japanese class work this, well last week :/ the snow totally messed me up... gome-na-sai!!

groundhogs day

The Highlight of my day :) you gotta love that!!

White as Snow - Happy Feburary!

Snow Days :)