Ferrah

Sunny Friday, 26th of March... It was the first day i got to meet her.
She was the most playful of the bunch, ready to say hello and play, I knew that she was the one.
I anticipated every moment till the moment that i arrived that sunny day in NC. In hopes to find a life long friend and new member to my lovely growing family. I knew the moment i felt her that she was the one.

She is the cutest pup that i have ever seen. She is gorgeous down to her itty bitty toes. All white with the slightest hints of orange, glass blue eyes and a black racing strip down her back. When she looked me in the eyes i knew that she was the one.

Clumsy paws, long strong legs, wiggly little tail, and build of a true working dog, she is the strongest little pup I've ever seen. Quick to learn right from wrong, when i held her in my arms with out a doubt she was the one.

She came to me, she came to me with out the slightest idea what a leash was or how to walk on it. The first few steps she made with my lead i knew that she'd be my best friend for life.

I know that you don't know it yet Ferrah, but i love you like you are my baby... and ill never do anything to harm you baby :) I cant wait to see you succeed and be the best dog that you can be!! Mama is cheering for you and encouraging you to do your best. Ill guide you and stay patient.. i know that we will butt head but hell, I know that your the one... Ive known since the moment i met you that you are going to be My first dog :)

monday great...

I feel like a yo-yo.

Today is the day for catch up!

Ill write a proper blog entry tonight, today will be the first productive day i have had since the weekend.

Happy St. Patties DAY!!

To think i got this far into making my calendar too...

shopping for fabric

At Joann Fabric and Craft Store
I give my shopping experience an A+

Nostalgic

That's how i feel going through all my posts today... :)

I cant seem to get over this song...

Sara Bareilles - Gravity

Just as school today trying to finish up my project so that i can turn it in. Its extra credit but i might as well do it. I need the good grades this semester. I really need to study harder, even though i feel like that's all i really do. I plan to find a job over break. I hope its favorable. I went to the gym today for about an hour today. I feel okay about it. I really want to be in better shape, i hope that results are around the corner for me.

I probably look like I've made this computer into my personal work station (lamo)
Seriously i have my phone plugged in charging and my head phones in my ears. Water bottle in reach, I am here.

I wish blogger would step up their editing tools, its ridiculous how mediocre it is. I tried to switch over to LiveJournal but i couldnt figure that one out, plus im so far into blogger it would be detrimental what I've started.

Id like to add that i probably smell horrible, but i dont give a SHI___IAT

I thought You Should know

I plan to name my dog O'day-O'day
HAHA :)
i cant wait to get our puppy, i feel like we are having a baby
No im joking, but i am excited to take the next step in this relationship with you!!
You really are all my dreams come true, because your making them come true

You are Loved

You'll never know why she is in love with him
What she sees when she looks at him
Where she has gone where she has been
To win over his attention
How many nights shes been lonely
longing for his holding
What she is thinking when he smiles
What she is feeling when he looks her in the eyes
You'll never really understand what she is willing to sacrifice
Just to be with him every single night
How her wishes are granted with the moments spent
and how all her dreams have changed and bent
You'll never know how much she really thinks about him
or how much happiness those thoughts bring
How those three precious words

changed the whole perception of what life was going towards

Aden likes Uncle Shaikhum more than Ami Massi

Apple

Thank You

Dear Pruthvi,

Yesterday you asked me if it was if it is bad to be worried about your friends so much?

Well prune, there isn't a day that goes by when i am not worrying about you. Honestly i have no doubt in my mind if you where the older one, i would have followed you like a goose with broken wings. Separating from you has probably been one of the hardest emotional things Ive had to cope with. I was so shocked when i heard you where leaving that i didnt even have the words to convey to you how much i was hurt. Its stressful not being able to drive over to see you, or share good times with you on my birthdays. Its harder not being able to cry to you or come to you for a hug. Days that are suppose to be spent with a friend go by lonely, on these days all I can think about is your laughing face. Ive always thought of you as my "first love". People don't realize it unless its genuine, but you love a bestfriend almost the same as loving a man or woman. I've studied your facial expressions, and gestures and tone. Every contour of your face embedded in my mind, that when something really funny happens I can close my eyes and imagine you with me. I feel like we have had some of our strongest moments when we have shared silence. Weather it was a fun time, or a sad time, silence has untited us in moments that will out last a life time of words. Sometimes its hard for me to find words that would comfort you, but even so when your heart aches mine does too. I always wonder what you are going through, how your day has been, what you are thinking, if you really like studing (lol). Friendship is even like having kids. We watch each other grow and want the best for each other. We get upset with each other if we fail, or make mistakes, but then we leave each other breathless in awe when we have excelled and succeed. My feelings for you are self-less, I have always wanted better for you then i have wanted for myself. I think i know why that is though, its because secretly we see eachother as super heros. Inside I really admire and look up to you. The hardest part for me was letting go, being okay with the individuals that we became. Cutting the leash and letting life's experiences ingulp us into the world that we wanted to protect each other from. God gave us something really special, and i would be damned if i ever threw that away. Thank you for letting me be your best friend.

by the way prune be head strong, the fiesty little palm tiger i know you to be, dont let people take advantage of you, beware of wearing your vulnrabilities on your sleve, mask them the best you know how. Your family and friends over here all love you, and are here if you are lonely. Focus on yourself, Ill be waiting, come back to me a strong independent woman.

First and for most

Today's song - Sara Bareilles-GRAVITY (2003) album: Careful Confessions

Recent Artists that beat to the rhythm of my heart (harmony):

Missy Higgins
Yael Naim
Ingrid Michaelson
A Fine Frenzy
Norah Jones
Etta James
Kate Nash
Meiko
Adele
FrouFrou
Duffy
Corinne Bailey Rae
Lily Allen
John Mayer
Lauryn Hill
Feist
Jason Mraz
Amy Winehouse

Working with all males and being the only female has turned out to be almost the same exact as working with all females but instead of talking about things like shopping, and classes, I'm stuck listening to conversations about military, and guns. I don't mind at all actually i would rather learn a thing or two about things i really don't have a clue about. I mean i have gone shooting before, and i like it, but i cant say that i know much about guns. Actually it kinda took me off guard that just about all of my group members own a gun. I would have to say though, men and women are the exact same when it comes to bad mouthing on another. I have tried to stay neutral with the things i say about people. Honestly i see both sides of the story most of the time. For instance there is this one guy in our group that pretty aloof and immediately he comes off as if he doesn't care to most, but for some reason i can relate myself to him a lot more than the other people. An example, Guy A said I am going to love my job, it will never feel like something i don't want to do (or something like that, and to me I'm just like ahhhh someone that feels like me) when Guy B says A job will always just end up a job, its fun in the beginning and then it sucks. Realistically i guess but when you have so many choices in life why would you ever settle for something you don't enjoy doing. I think its hilarious how these "grown" men talk about each other. I haven't said anything that i didn't feel. At one point i felt really annoyed because i felt like i was being told what to do. I didn't appreciate being called on a Saturday night to do something right away. I didn't even appreciate feeling like i was being cornered. But through it all I never really said anything BAD about someone. I mean some of these MEN have ruthless things to say about each other, calling someone an idiot, is a very disrespectful thing to do. I honestly cant say that any of my group members are idiots, everyone has different views and i think each person has a story. I wouldn't bash someone because they are a dreamer, i am a dreamer too and i wouldn't bow down to anyone who has settled for a mundane life.

I always thought of myself as a pretty well rounded person. I mean for the most part, Ive been there and done that, except for drugs. I always feel like i am being cocky when i am giving advice to people. I don't know why but i feel really uncomfortable giving people advise even though i know that they would maybe appreciate it. I guess it saddens me to see people hurt, but then again its a cycle, after the hurt you come out the person that your meant to be, and that's how life works. Its beneficial to suffer emotionally to learn and mold into a better person, no advise can have the same affect then cause and effect of living life. It is what it is right?

mentally stimulated

I really wish photography was a part of my life much earlier than it had been. You know something really sad?? Looking through my MILLIONS of pictures, i feel like i don't have enough!! isn't that crazy!!! I mean i have only a little bit of good memories, where are all the others, i really need to start taking pictures everyday, no matter what, just take one. I am going to try better from now on.

By the way I need a place to write down all the mangas im reading before i forget so:
Dengki Daisy
Kimi ni todoke (manga and anime) (-^-) sooooo cute
Kyou, Koi wo Hajimemasu
Antique romance
Bokura ga ita
Nana
Strobe edge

And i think thats it for right now that i am reading

This week

This week has actually been a really good week. Ive been pretty happy and on top of things, i thought i was about to take a turn to the worst in the beginning but i ended up finishing up really strong. Need less to say, its only Wednesday but i haven't failed to attend any of my classes thus far, and i am actually really organized with my notes, and caught up with my homework.

Life recently has been only about studying, i am glad that i had a mini vacation to O.C.

I got a parking ticket last week that i still need to pay off. Zain continues to finish his applications and paper work, poor boy is working hard, but his hard work is making me more focused too.

Lets see, i cant say i really miss anyone these days, I've been rather selfish these past few days. and i cant seem to take my mind off of right here and right now. My friends annoy me to a point that i don't even know if i have "friends" I have a friend, and right now that's really good enough.

Things that are time consuming are usually not worth the time that you invest in them, the people closest to me have taught me that disappointment is always under the door mat even if you think it says "welcome home"

I'm really content, happy almost, breathing easy... easy like my fingers hitting the keys on this keyboard... life is easy, as easy as you make it. I would hate to say it, but my father is right the importance of family almost does out weigh school. My father and his out of this world philosophies are proving to be coming true in my vision, i should beware.

I miss my nephew, even though there isn't much to miss yet because he seems to be in a cycle of eating pooping and sleeping, i hate that i am missing moments that count. I hope that we get along, and he loves me like i love him. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all speak to each other honestly and openly, it would clear up so many misunderstandings. I've been aiming to do just that. Open mind, open mouth... I dont want people to misunderstand me anymore, so i am just going to speak my mind, say things as they are.

I am really too nice of a person, and I really dont know when i became that way. Perhaps its my unconcious desire to be accepted by everyone. I really dont think i do it intentionally. I feel like if there where more nice self-less people then life would be so much less stressful. I mean there have been so many times when i needed help and no one was willing to reach out. I know how that feels, so why would i want someone else to feel like that. I dont know, i know when people email me, hey i missed class, i reply back lol. I hope that they appreciate it.

Anyways, Mauhz!

Ps> there are two types of people in the world, those that are easily understood, and those that can never be understood because people are to closed minded to acknowledge that they are different then the majority. I wonder what makes society craze uniformity. Or is it the opposite but somewhere along the way we stop being true to ourselves? I really really wonder. How do elder people feel unrelatable to younger people? Wherent they at one time young too? I really dont get it. I really really dont. I thought we where all so similar, but we arent at all.

Presento

OMG, im so nervous!! :)

About to go present my thingy, hopefully i get lucky and i wont have to present till thursday :)

its morning

It is the morning, and i keep telling myself "I need to get a hold on my life." Seriously, i have no sense of direction or planning or anything. I keep falling into these loop holes, and its driving me insane. I dont really know what to do to stop being an emotional wreck and having these rollercoaster days but its really wearing me out. Sometimes i feel like having friends would solve my problem but i dont even think thats the case because adding more people into your life just makes more room for dissapointment. I feel really distant lately, i feel scared or something but im kind of unsure what i am affraid of. I really need to go pick up my bday presents so i can start structuring my days with the planner that poots got for me, damn you... who goes to the mundir early... (-_-) and even so, i was deff making the effort, i feel sad that you didnt meet me half way oh well. I plan to go see my sister on sunday for a day trip with zain. It will be Zains first time meeting baby aden, expect pictures lol. I really need to start developing these pictures and things, i can sense my computer taking its last breath any day now. If i lost all my work i think they would have to put me into a mental ward... its someting that i could never ever get over. i guess i should get packed up now and get ready to husstle at school. Be back at 11, i have lots of work to do today.

Oh did i tell you, im about to destroy my house, not literally but CLEAN OUT EVERYTHING throw out everything unnessesary and get a desk and dresser. Yeah thats my plan, actually i might steal the little table and chair that is sitting at my parents house right now, since they are never going to use it and its sitting in my old room collecting dust. I also plan to move a lot of my stuff back to my parents house, im just going to box eveything up nicely and put it away in the attic. I really need to de-cutter the place and its the only way i can have my piece of mind in that place. I plan on getting internet there too come next month, to do well this semester i aim to take drastic measures so i can be more serious about life like my partner in crime is. :) i hope that i can make you proud of me too like i am of you (jelous) haha jk, well my computer is weezing and running out of juice, 2 min till 8:30 i gotta head out to class, PEACE!
mauhz!

O.C. part2

IM IN THE O.C. MD today :) part1

Hey do you remember when it snowed??

i do...