Presento

OMG, im so nervous!! :)

About to go present my thingy, hopefully i get lucky and i wont have to present till thursday :)

its morning

It is the morning, and i keep telling myself "I need to get a hold on my life." Seriously, i have no sense of direction or planning or anything. I keep falling into these loop holes, and its driving me insane. I dont really know what to do to stop being an emotional wreck and having these rollercoaster days but its really wearing me out. Sometimes i feel like having friends would solve my problem but i dont even think thats the case because adding more people into your life just makes more room for dissapointment. I feel really distant lately, i feel scared or something but im kind of unsure what i am affraid of. I really need to go pick up my bday presents so i can start structuring my days with the planner that poots got for me, damn you... who goes to the mundir early... (-_-) and even so, i was deff making the effort, i feel sad that you didnt meet me half way oh well. I plan to go see my sister on sunday for a day trip with zain. It will be Zains first time meeting baby aden, expect pictures lol. I really need to start developing these pictures and things, i can sense my computer taking its last breath any day now. If i lost all my work i think they would have to put me into a mental ward... its someting that i could never ever get over. i guess i should get packed up now and get ready to husstle at school. Be back at 11, i have lots of work to do today.

Oh did i tell you, im about to destroy my house, not literally but CLEAN OUT EVERYTHING throw out everything unnessesary and get a desk and dresser. Yeah thats my plan, actually i might steal the little table and chair that is sitting at my parents house right now, since they are never going to use it and its sitting in my old room collecting dust. I also plan to move a lot of my stuff back to my parents house, im just going to box eveything up nicely and put it away in the attic. I really need to de-cutter the place and its the only way i can have my piece of mind in that place. I plan on getting internet there too come next month, to do well this semester i aim to take drastic measures so i can be more serious about life like my partner in crime is. :) i hope that i can make you proud of me too like i am of you (jelous) haha jk, well my computer is weezing and running out of juice, 2 min till 8:30 i gotta head out to class, PEACE!
mauhz!

O.C. part2

IM IN THE O.C. MD today :) part1

Hey do you remember when it snowed??

i do...

things i should have uploaded but i was too lazy to

another good day to smile

I woke up this morning in a pleasant mood, as I laid on my stomach looking at the time on my phone, I though zain was shaking but as I laid there super still I realized that it was my own heart beating out of my chest, I smiled. I feel alive...
norah jones - come away with me

Lemon-Lime

I wonder what the moon is smiling about tonight
I am smiling because i am crazy crazy crazy
crazy for you!

Happy Bday to Moi

So far ive been having a pretty good day. i cant say that i didnt cry today because i did haha. Actually reading the card that my mom sent me this morning made me really miss my parents and that made me a little emotional i wont lie. I started my bday off right though by talking to my mom before anyone else, and then talking to my other mom Michelle auny lol. I didnt have a huge bday wish turn out on fb or text message like i usually do, but thats okay, the people that count deff sent me lots of wishes and love. I have a really long day at school today and that kinda sucks but i think either way im happy with the way the day has turned out. Honestly i couldnt ask for a better bday, other than seeing my mom and dad today haha. Its okay though i plan to see my mom on friday anyways.

Today in my Communications class we are suppose to give a "presentation" and she is going to tape us. Odd, i don't think i feel nervous, and i probably would nail it if i had some drinks in me haha. Just kidding but really.

My eyeballs where freaking out this morning, and they where allergic to the sun this morning. I was tearing up a storm. I also had my first test of the semester this morning. Im confident i pulled a pretty decent grade. I cant say one way or another yet since i dont wanna jinx myself but yeah yeah :)

I'm really happy with all of the gifts i got this bday, zain is really starting to spoil me haha, and i couldn't ask for anything sweeter. I think he really is the love of my life... he takes such good care of me. I would be retarded not to love him for a lifetime and even more, hes like poison i tell you... He doesn't do much, but some of the smallest gestures that he makes are enough to last me a life time of smiles.

Ive come to realize that underneath it all i really am just a simple person. Although emotionally i go through so many ups and downs, at the end of the day i dont really have that many insecurities except those that my parents have made me feel. Insecurities like, not being ever excepted by them, or not ever doing anything good enough in life. I feel like sometimes they hold me back from the life that i know tht i can make for myself if i just had the support from them. Seriously though, other then that i really don't have insecurities in my relationship, like i don't care if Zain goes out and has a good time or what not. Im not scared that another girl would replace me or that he might find someone better because in my mind i think we are perfect. In a way i know we have many differences, but all the forces around me will always lead me to one answer and that answer will always be zain, and ill slowly learn and prove to all my doubts that zain is the one. Im happy

My OC teacher told me that people have facebook to stay in contact with the people that we dont wish to keep in personal contact with, and i totally disagree. I mean i dont know i dont usually add strangers to my facebook, nor do i reach out to them, i mean eventually if they are just sitting there ill go through and delete people that i never talk to. I only talk to a handful of CLOSE people on facebook and i use it to check up on the people i love so... i think i disagree but maybe thats because i am just that simple.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!!!

haha, its not my bday yet, but hey whatever, im already spoiled :)

I got a card from mom, and that made me really happy. Zain completely spoiled me too haha, i got Katamari one and two, and mini ninjas, and i got new gym pants, and a watch and some house shoes hehe :)

an angel was watching over me today too, i found $20 in the snow.

snow snow snow

No school today :) its snowing again... (-_-)

Seriously, I'm glad that i don't have to drive 35 min down to VCU to sit in a 50 min class, but then again, i hate the fact that its impossible to drive my car in the snow. Rear wheel drive is seriously not made for inclement weather, now if you wanna take off at a red light and feed everyone else a lot of dust then yep my cars AWESOME. Even though we dont have school today i am really hopping that the weather clears up by tonight so that i can meet up with the folks for my group project. I kind of feel like im being treated unfairly, like im being bossed around, but maybe thats because i am the youngest and the only female. I always found it easy to relate to guys and less comfortable working with females, so maybe thats why im taken back by the way i think i am being treated. Oh well, zain said that i should just say how i feel when i meet up with them, and then i guess i could just shut up and write whatever they want me to write... since all the work was technically landed in my hands. I think its pretty halarious that the two people that he (our group executive - NOT LEADER OR BOSS) has chosen to be his message distributers havent even touched the google doc that i have posted, nor have the replyed to any emails. One says that his internet is down, and i guess i wanted to call him out and say that there is a lab at school and internet 24-7 available, but hell whatever. And the other says that he hasnt gotten any of the emails, which i kinda feel like is bullshit too. It seems to me that all the darker skinned people in our group have no say so at all in the direction that our group is going but hell, that is about to change tonight when i see them. I really dont like being told what to do and then not asked my opinion.

OHHHH YEAHHHH, did i tell you guys that Zain got me Katamari on PS2 the original for my bday. HAHA i have been rolling katamaris all day jk. No but really i love making katamari and getting big enough to roll up people. Who wouldnt wanna make a star out of a whole bunch of junk laying around?

I really hope that the weather holds up for pootska on the weekend so that she can have a safe trip home, and she doesnt miss any classes. I am suppose to see her on friday, i hope that is possible. Seeing the snow blowing all over the place it seems pretty distant.

I only feel like a female when i feel like i am discriminated against...

I am not to sure if its just me, but i feel like out group project has become a sort of dictatorship, and i am kinda offended because i wasn't asked for my opinion. That's all i am going to say about that though.

Todays been an okay day, i didn't do too too much, but i did go to the gym, and something is seriously wrong with my legs... I also went to my classes, i have a test on my bday. GRAND

I went to walmart and the lady bagging my stuff was a real idiot.

OMG they have this really weird show on VH1 with guys who are drag queens... its really really entertaining... I really have no life haha... i was so anti TV, and now that Zain got this big ass tv, i can just sit here watch tv and get my work done at the same time. I hope that i have a productive day tomorrow. I got a lot of good food, and now that i think about it, i totally forgot to buy some eggs.

"Next life time"... What does that even mean?

What does that even mean?? In the next life time...

Maybe its just me, but umm i don't plan on coming back. I have so much time in this lifetime to live a fulfilled life so why wouldn't i just do what i want to do now? hmm anyways, maybe im just selfish and self centered but theres no way ima figure myself out by putting ristrictions on my life.

I really really hope that i can get this group project out of the way and done before we meet tomorrow. Tomorrow is probably the only day that i can do anything for my bday... hmm damn you feburary 2010.

nc :)

weekend in nc

Lyrics that sum up 75% of how i feel in life

Im stealing this from mina-lo this morning, because i googled the lyrics and its so applicable...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah
Augustana- Boston

stood up

This weekend is something i am looking forward to. Yesterday i got to see prooottttsssskkkaaaa!! :)

I guess since all else failed, lol just kidding, im going to NC to see my sister. Honestly i cant really sit here and decode peoples riddles so, im just gonna do what i wanna do. I am so pumped to see baby aden and spend more time with prune and mom and dee and george. I kinda dont believe that the weather is going to be nearly as bad as people say, but i guess only the skys know. The weathers been pretty bad, and the parking here at VCU still is impossible. Youd think that they would have cleaned that up by now. I had a pretty decent day today, getting my self together and deciding what i need to do with the immediate future. I really just want to keep things simple, so i am just going to do everything on my own with out the help of others. I cant really complain about anything because ive only gotten what i have put in so i think i can settle to say we are even. I was looking at the p90x nutrition plan today, since i started eating meat again, i can definitely do it, if i just pre cook on sunday nights and have everything ready to go for the week. So i think my plan is to implement a good diet to what i am already doing and i am bound for success. I love how i have to remind my self daily of the things that id like to accomplish. Oh well i would rather just hop on a plane to somewhere secluded and forget EVERYTHING but i mean i guess i have to be realistic.

I think that ive found a new good friend. And she lives here in Richmond, soo that is kinda exciting for me. Abby talked to me on FB again today, and i like that she is keeping in touch. I think that me and her have a lot in common so its really easy for us to just click. I really hope her complications with Steve don't make mine and her relationship complicated as well. I really just wanna be friends.

I have to do a group thing again today for my 5:30 class, joy... I really still dont understand what we are doing for it, but then again i really dont know what we are going to be tested on in that class either. As far as im concerned im sure im not the only person completely clueless.

Okay so i guess im over and out :)

im probably an emotional train wreck today, ive been nervous over nothing all day. I cant seem to figure out what my problem is, but i really need to get it together i think. I had Classes today, oh yeah, it snowed all weekend, hence my MIA-ness. Me and Zain finished playing God of War I and II. I guess now we have nothing to day haha, I really want Katamari, and mini ninjas lol. They totally kick butt and i want em. My bday is coming up... and i dont really know what i want to do, let alone, im not even sure if i want to see anyone. I think i am going hermit again i dont know, i want to escape my situation but i dont even know what my situation is.
Today in class, I guess we had to come up with this orginization, fundraiser volunteeing thing, we came up with collecting cans, and mind you i think it was a half assed choice. Whatever though, i honestly wanted to be that one person when they asked is anyone against it to be like YAY! haha they would have totally hated me for that right!? I almost ended up in a group with all females, and i guess i wanted to make it through the semester with out wanting to shoot myself to i opted out really quickly of the marketing group... I might be good at making art, but i would say im well rounded enough to challenge my self just a little bit. I miss home, and i dont wanna regret not seeing my dad before he goes to india so i am making a day trip home.

I also drew a picture today, and im pretty impressed even though it looks gay haha. I honestly want to get really good at everything that i am already kinda good at, so i am gonna make a revalation. I totally missed my japanese class work this, well last week :/ the snow totally messed me up... gome-na-sai!!

groundhogs day

The Highlight of my day :) you gotta love that!!